What to Do When Life Takes an Unexpected Turn


Blaming yourself or others distracts you from constructive problem-solving.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/turning-straw-gold/202009/what-do-when-life-takes-unexpected-turn-it-just-has

Pesach: The Freedom that comes with the Power to Decide
https://unexpectedlifeturns.com/

Accepting Life’s Unexpected Turns
https://thelinnacademy.com/2022/03/31/accepting-lifes-unexpected-turns/

SEX

Is it ok of me to make an ultimatum to a guy that I won't swallow unless he tries his own cum at least once first?

So I(M) had my first kiss with a good friend(F) tonight, we've known eachother for a year now and we went on a date to see how an "us" would function. At the end of it she insisted we try and kiss; she is experienced and it's my first time; so we ended up kissing and I tried some tongue and the whole mile. Afterwards she just seemed so unsatisfied? Like there wasn't a frown or a smile or blushing or anything. Have i done something wrong?

What is the thing with anal, that makes so many men want it?

Husband tested positive for oral gonorrhea yesterday with throat swab. I tested negative for throat and urine. He was very borderline verbally abusive about how I was cheating and gave it to him from ‘kissing’. Did he cheat?

RELATIONSHIPS

how to stop my family from feeling entitled to come to my city and stay days at my apartment I share?
I am 24F and I share an apartment with one of my closest friends 25M. The apartment is a 2 bedroom so it’s not really that big or small- just a normal sized place in a tourist city. It’s been about 4 times already this year that my family has self invited themselves to stay at my place without asking me prior. My older sibling stayed here over 3 weeks, before leaving, and coming back a month later to stay another 3 nights. The other time it was my mom and aunt staying 2-4 nights out of the blue. How do i tell them this has to stop?

my boyfriend’s cousin disrespected me and punched my boyfriend when he confronted him about it. My boyfriend beat his cousin up and now my partner’s mother wants to meet with me alone to talk about what happened. She begged me to not tell my boyfriend. What do I do?

Should I 21M accept the apology of my bully from school?

He (23M) and I (21F) been dating for 6 months. Official for 3. I am a college student who went to my hometown (an hour away) for the summer. He asked me to be his girlfriend right before I left and we did long distance. He was able to visit about 5-7 times. Two nights ago I moved back in and was now living in the same city as him. I was so excited. But that night I found out he cheated on me. He cheated about two months after I went to my hometown. He kept it a secret and the girl eventually told me. Do I take him back?

PARENTING

Son want's to be called "gargabe man", refuses his given name. Hes two. what do we do now??

How do you all feel about having a “kid free zone” after a certain time before they go to bed? Like for example, 8pm rolls around and your kids go play in their play area or their bedroom away from your living room or where you’re relaxing. They have their technology, toys, etc to play with. They’ve already done all their bedtime routines so no need for you to worry about that later. It’s considered quiet hours and they’re not allowed to come barreling in and bug you during “adult time / kid free zone” typically they’ll stay up to 9:30pm and then get a notification on their clock to let them know it’s time to go to bed (electronics auto turn off then too)

A few days ago we were at a family BBQ and 9ne of my relative's dog suddenly barked and scared my 4 month old daughter, who I was holding at the time. Of course she started crying a little and as I was calming her down, my mother came over to pick her up and went to bring her to my wife, who was talking to some people a little further away telling me that she obviously needed her mommy. And this is just one example of people assuming mom is way more capable than dad.Why do so many people consider dads to be second-rate parents?

My daughter, 11F, today told me she saw something on YouTube called "LittleSpace" and she likes it. She explained it as adults or teens who dress as and act like babies or toddlers. They have a small cozy space in which to wear a onesie, use a pacifier, drink special warm milk from a baby bottle, and color in coloring books. This immediately made me very uncomfortable, but I didn't show it and instead said it sounded cute. She went full on into the conversation, asking if I could buy her pacifiers and a baby bottle. She's already talking about the space she will convert in her room into a cozy spot that she can sit and color in coloring books with a pacifier. She said it can be to wind down at the end of the day, to relieve anxiety, or to that for some people that have "childhood regression" and just live like babies to relive their bad childhood. How concerned should I be about this? Is there a chance this is just something innocent? I wanted to support her, so I played it cool, but inside I am dying. After we talked she went on Amazon and found a pacifier she wanted. She asked me to order it for her, used her own money to pay me. I don't even know what to say. The pacifier is arriving on Sunday and she's has plans to use the weekend to clean her room and get her littlespace ready... Someone help me. What is happening?

WORK
There’s an open wound on my finger from a hangnail and it has pus. I have work tomorrow and a training video said to report any injuries like that to an employer, but it’s just so small I don’t wanna make a big deal out of it. Should I tell my manager or would a bandaid do?

This is the second week of a new job I just started. It's a very small office. My coworker will not stop talking to me all day long, no matter what cues I give for her to stop. All she talks about is terrible things about everyone in the company, what they have done to her, and little ways she has gotten back at them. On top of that she's super nosey, admits to listening in on people's convos, and even showed me the pay rate of a contract worker in the same office (she is accounts payable). This job is a considerable pay raise from my previous job and in every other way pretty awesome. I don't know what to do about this coworker. Help!

I've this temp job for about 6 months now and my contract is coming to an end. HR said, they're trying to open a position for me but I'm not sure if I want it. Well, I think do. This company gives me weird vibes. Overall it's fine. I get paid fine for what I do, people are friendly enough, and my lunches are finally longer than 20 minutes. I must say though, it does get very boring. I only have one issue, and it's kinda more of an department issue, No one knows how to communicate. People will actively avoid talking to one another so when shit hits the fan everyone is annoyed and confused. It turns into hours of "explain everything you do at this job because this shit is confusing me". After hours of this we finally fix the problem, and I feel like total shit. It's like I've been gaslighted for the past few hours. I don't know what it is. It's probably an issue with me but it's really wearing me down after 6 months. I welcome any and all advice.

Found out a coworker is recording zoom calls without letting people know before hand or asking if it’s okay. It makes me uncomfortable; am I wrong to feel that way? They mentioned they were recording half way through a call, after I asked if I needed to slow down, so I don’t think there was any nefarious intent. I told them they should probably ask in the future, but I don’t trust that they will.

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In a very emotional episode Jazz and Lubby talk about loss

STAGES OF GRIEF: THE 7 STAGES OF GRIEF EXPLAINED
https://gatewaycounseling.com/7-stages-of-grief-explained/

Grief: Coping with the loss of your loved one
Research shows that most people can recover from loss on their own through the passage of time if they have social support and healthy habits.
https://www.apa.org/topics/families/grief

What to Say to Someone Who Lost a Loved One
https://healthfully.com/what-to-say-to-someone-who-lost-a-loved-one-5655196.html

SEX

I’ve (f25) been in a relationship with my bf (m28) for a little over 2 years now. We moved together a year ago, got a flat together and he proposed to me this summer. I said yes and it was one of the best days of my life. I love him very much and I am very compatible with him, except one little thing..
Before we had sex for the first time, he opened up to me and told me how his ex gf left him because of his size. So he went through this already and it caused him serious self esteem problems. I can’t do this to him again. at first it wasn’t so bad, since we were both discovering our bodies and he used to stimulate my mind before everything else, which led me to actually enjoy the sex we had. But as it is normal, that excitement won’t last forever and now I am lacking and craving the sex I had with my ex partners. I can’t even get wet anymore, it’s like my vagina doesn’t even know what penetration feels like. The little penetration that I get is dry and hurts, unless we use lube. I am just tired of faking enjoying myself, but can’ do anything about it. I love him too much for this to be a dealbreaker, but I really don’t know what to do. Is this what my future sex life will be from now on?

My boyfriend and I are each others firsts. We've only been dating for a few months but have really clicked. We usually get to see each other once or twice a week. The problem is, sometimes he finishes within about 7 minutes. I have absolutely no problem with this. I actually think it's kind of flattering. He tends to apologize for it, and I hate him feeling insecure over something natural. Especially because he more than "makes up" for it. My question is: is there anything I could say next time it happens to make him feel better?

I am 25F I've been seeing a guy 27M who has been an acquaintance for a few years. We have already had sex, it's really good, I give him oral all the time as I really enjoy doing so but he is desperate to go down on me and I'm embarrassed, I don't want to be super drunk in order for him to do that, I just want to feel comfortable. I am not a prude, I am a sexual person but I worry about; do men think about women looking bad in angles? How we taste? I feel like there will be more pressure for me to orgasm and that I don't have control of situation, which is usually how I enjoy sex.

Im a girl and Im straight. Ever since I was a kid and I'd find my dad's or my friends' dads porn magazines and videos, I just found the naked girls super hot. Since I was so young, I don't think it was a "Whoa I'd like to look like that and have guys attracted to me" thing because I was literally in primary school and thought sex meant people kissing while being naked, but rather a "Damn. Hot body" thing. I just think female bodies are very attractive, however I've never actually been attracted to a girl before. What's going on?

RELATIONSHIP

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost three years, but one issue keeps me wondering if it’s been genuine or not. From day one he has had huge issues with his phone. If I even glanced over he used to flip out. It’s not so bad anymore but I still am unable to check things out when situations warrant it. On the other hand he uses my phone like it’s his own, and since he is much larger than me I am really unable to do anything about it.
Thoughts ??

I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 6 years. It's long distance but we've had ideas about a future together. I never had a big desire to get married but I would do it for her. Having a kid has been a dream of hers since I met her and recently I've been seriously considering my position and I cant think of any reason I would want to have a kid. I told her this last night and we both broke down. She had been under the impression that I was down for everything and was understandably upset when I told her. She told me she still wanted to stay together but if there came a day I was 100% sure I didnt want kids. I left a possibility of changing my mind because ive changed a lot since I met her and was always hoping my position on this would change too. But now I feel like I'm in charge of deciding when this relationship ends. It was always my biggest fear that we would end up in a situation where she leaves me because I didn't want to have kids and now I'm the one who will have to decide whether or not this relationship will continue. Not even sure I'm asking for advice I just wanted other people's takes on how much of a piece of shit I am.

I’m tired of my fiancé making me set alarms for him to wake up in time for work. And every time I set an alarm and go upstairs to wake him up, he gets pissed at me. So then he will make me set another alarm so he can “have ten more minutes”. Mind you, I’m also busy with our three year old and soon to be newborn coming any time now, cooking, and cleaning. It’s extremely stressful for me to have the job of waking him up as well as everything else. But yet he always tells me he hates it when I try to act like his mother? I wish he would get an actual alarm clock. I finally put my foot down today and said it’s not my responsibility and he said “Okay. I guess I’ll just keep being late for work and lose my job then.” Like it would be my fault. No, it would be his right?

Asked him(44m) to marry me(39f) last night. He said absolutely not then proceeded to get upset when I wasn't "in the mood".I was so vulnerable and honest. I wasn't upset when he said absolutely not but a discussion would have been nice. Then when I wasn't being the fun one on a Friday night because I didn't want to do it, doors got slammed, there was yelling etc. I slept alone and feel so hurt. How do we move past this?

PARTENING

I put parental controls on my teens iPhone, blocking certain apps and websites. Problem is: she’s still somehow accessing them! How?! I’m so confused?

as we prepare to bring a child into our family, MIL has said that regardless of what anyone says or wants, she will be coming to live in our home for 2-3 weeks to take care of the child and her daughter, and insists that this is a completely normal thing that every mother does with their daughter. I’ve never heard this, and neither have the women in my life that I’ve asked, and while I voiced that I was thankful for any help being offered with doing the dishes, laundry, etc (things she mentioned), what she was describing didn’t sit right with me. I’ve always looked forward to this time in our lives and being able to cherish the time with my wife and take care of her, and I pointed out that if my mom were to forcibly come live with us regardless of what my wife or I say to come help with things, that wouldn’t fly. Does this sound normal in your experience?

Should I correct my almost 8 year old son who over talks? Last year his teacher would reach out to us every few months to let us know that he would talk too much in class and sometimes disturb others and that she had resulted to ignoring him when he talks. I also heard the same complaint from my father and I’ve been noticing he does it when he’s around other people. Although he has gotten a lot better in the past few months he still over talks and when I try to bring it up he usually closes his ears and tries to run away. Should I let it go or talk to him about it?

I was at the park with my 3 year old and my 2 month old strapped to my chest. He had fallen asleep with his pacifier in his mouth. He spits it out when he’s ready and he might fall asleep with the pacifier maybe once a day. None of that a total stranger would know, but she came up to me anyway to tell me to take the pacifier out of his mouth. After I told her it is fine, she kept bothering me about it. What really irks me is that she ended up leaving her own child in the park to play alone. So what inspired her to be “supermom” and judgy with me?

WORK

I have a large technical presentation that contains many detailed information and many various topics. I don’t think I can do a good job presenting this in person as there is so much context and will take minimum 1.5 hours to 2 hours. Is it rude to let the client know I can’t make the F2F and will need to attend virtually?

I don't know if I made the right choice. I was a 3rd year apprentice millwright at local 2158 and I chose to leave about 3 months ago and now work for the army Corp of engineers. Each job has their pros and cons but on a personal level I feel like I turned my back to the union and started all over. I could still go back if I wanted to and finish out my apprenticeship and become a journeyman but I'll lose my government job if I do with unknown possibility of going back. I'm just torn and I don't know if I've made the right decision or if I'm just jumping to conclusions too soon because I'm not making the same money.

I'm in the middle of a job hunt. I've had interviews with a few different companies. Currently a strong candidate for a less desirable role. If they come to me wanting to offer me a job, but I'm still scouting all possible options, what are some things I could say to let them know I still *might* be interested, but am waiting to hear back from others?

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The Late Night Love family suffered a tragic loss last week, we thank you for your understanding.

This week Jazz and Lubby chat about the why's, why not's and how's of marijuana

BENEFITS

10 Reasons To Keep Smoking Weed (The Experts Weigh In!) (apotforpot.com)
https://apotforpot.com/blogs/learn/reasons-to-smoke-weed/

61 Potential Benefits of Marijuana that Are Backed By Science (herbonaut.com)
https://www.herbonaut.com/benefits-of-marijuana/

HOW

First Time Marijuana Dispensary Visit (cannabistraininguniversity.com)
https://cannabistraininguniversity.com/industry/first-time-marijuana-dispensary-visit

THC VS CBD

CBD vs. THC: A Chart to Help You Understand Cannabis (verywellhealth.com)
https://www.verywellhealth.com/cbd-vs-thc-5272060

SATIVA VS INDICA

Differences Between Indica & Sativa Strains Explained | Amuse
https://amuse.com/blog/difference-between-indica-sativa

Plus Lubby's weekly dive into the land of reddit!

RELATIONSHIPS

We’ve been dating for about a year and a half. I’m a F23 and when we met I was 124 lbs. I now weigh 180 lbs and I’m only 5 ft 3 so I definitely have gained a decent amount. My boyfriend still tells me I look skinny to him and I shouldn’t worry but I’ve never been with a guy who openly appreciates me gaining weight so what do y’all think about it?

Hi, I (m21) the other night while my girlfriend (f21) and I are laying in bed, I go to set the alarms on her phone for her to be able to wake up for work on time as I do every other night, and as I’m doing so I see my ex texts her and me being curious (I’ve never been one to peep through someone’s phone but my ex messaging my gf? I figured I’d check this out) I open the text message. I read her message and see there are quite a few others. And to my surprise I see texts about my chest ( I have gyno and it’s something I’ve always been self-conscious ab) and my hairline, and my sexual kinks, among other things like my family and how they’re a total train wreck. Anyways, back to the point at hand. My current gf doesn’t know I saw the texts, but I don’t know what to do. She always comforts me when I’m insecure but to find this out just hurts. I want to distance myself but I’ve been w her for well over a couple years now, and I still love her. I don’t know if I should confront her or leave it?

girl I've been 'involved' with on and off brings chocolates, calls me sexy and watches smut with me but apparently is in a relationship. is this cheating?

PARENTING

At what age do you safely leave your kids home alone at night?

I’m considering taking my son to our local library (he’s 1 1/2). He’s really interested in books and I’d like to foster that love as early as possible since I loved to read from an early age as well. I’ve looked at our library’s website but I’m just not sure how much there is for kids his age. I’m also looking to get out of the house and do something fun and (preferably) free with AC. What age did you take your children to the library and did they enjoy it?

My daughter is super attached to me and pushes my wife away. When they are alone my daughter snuggles up to her and loves her. When I'm with them my daughter will snuggle up with me and push my wife away. Sometimes she will do this thing when I'm snuggling with daughter if my wife touches her leg or gives her a kiss on the head of whatever, my daughter will rub that spot and go owww as if it hurt her. She will show me the spot to get a kiss on it to make it better. This is a disclaimer I know my wife isn't hurting our daughter behind my back or anything like that. My wife is the sweetest thing and would never hurt a fly.
Curious what is going on with our daughter?

WORK

I just got fired from a corporate job ive only been at for 3 months. The company was terrible and my team was constantly a mess. I tried so hard but unfortunately was never properly trained. During my interview i told them I didn’t have years of experience but they still went on to hire me and then not actually train me. Im feeling so upset and scared that no one will hire me now. Im such a hard worker but have a learning disability so I struggle without guidance. Really need some reassurance right now thanks.

My boss cc’d HR on an email today. In the email he absolutely ripped me a new one, and criticized my ability to be detailed oriented when reviewing his edits. I did prior to this but the document I thought I sent him was not the one I edited (computer issue). I don’t want to argue because it won’t make the situation better, but I think the email was rather out of pocket especially since he tacitly threatened firing me in the email. What’s weird is that he spoke highly of me and my work in a mid-year review and noted how I was “great for the culture” and provide “added value” to our clients. Anyways, I believe our relationship is has reached an untenable point, and I’m thinking of jumping ship before I get a bad mark on my resume. Is that smart? Should I stick it out (only been there a year)?

At the midway point of the fiscal year I unexpectedly received an offer from an outside company. It came with a major increase in salary. I was forthcoming with my boss, said I was contemplating making the move. As a counter they offered a decent lump sum retention bonus so I decided to stay. Fast forward 7 months, it’s end-of-year appraisal time and I get a rating of “meets expectations” and a raise of 4.5%. Wh-whut? Excuse me? MEETS expectations? 4.5% raise?

SEX

I’m a girl who likes girls (lesbian). I’ve never been sexual with anyone, but there are things in certain girls that are an instant attraction to me. I don’t know why, but I only feel attracted to girls who are thick, taller than me, dominant, and stronger than me. I’m a petite girl (5’0 and 97 pounds), so it isn’t hard to find a girl that’s my type. I don’t know why, but something part of my stupid brain goes “holy shit yes” when I’m around girls like that. The thought of her manhandling me and pinning my wrists down, choking me (not to death or passing out), and pulling my hair makes me feel like I’m melting. Should I be worried? Is this weird? Am I weird for this?

Female, mid-20s. Almost getting married with the man of my dreams, totally in love and complete with him. We are so well fine. Here's the catch: I'd had sex only with him. No other, nothing. I realized he'll be my only one after marriage. And lately I've been wondering and fantasizing about how it feels to be with another man. I'm not looking to BE with another man romantically, just to have the sexual experience-- to satisfy my cravings, I suppose. And I have found the boy with whom I want to have sex. I am totally sexually satisfied in my current relationship. The sex is great, and it gets better all the time. Oddly enough, I don't know why I feel this urge to do so. I guess I don't want to feel that way after getting married, I wouldn't like to spend my days thinking about wanting to have sex with another man. I have never cheated on a partner, and I would never cheat on my current lover. I'm already feeling guilty but my crave keeps getting bigger each time. What can I do about this? Should I tell him? What would you do in my position?

Like title says. My girlfriend and I (16) want to have sex with each other but are not sure if it’s too early in our relationship. We’ve been talking for 6 month but dating officially for 2. Will it ruin our relationship if we have sex this early? We are both virgins. We talk about how we want to have sex with each other a lot and both agreed that we want to but just the fact that we think it could ruin our relationship is stopping us.