In a very emotional episode Jazz and Lubby talk about loss

STAGES OF GRIEF: THE 7 STAGES OF GRIEF EXPLAINED
https://gatewaycounseling.com/7-stages-of-grief-explained/

Grief: Coping with the loss of your loved one
Research shows that most people can recover from loss on their own through the passage of time if they have social support and healthy habits.
https://www.apa.org/topics/families/grief

What to Say to Someone Who Lost a Loved One
https://healthfully.com/what-to-say-to-someone-who-lost-a-loved-one-5655196.html

SEX

I’ve (f25) been in a relationship with my bf (m28) for a little over 2 years now. We moved together a year ago, got a flat together and he proposed to me this summer. I said yes and it was one of the best days of my life. I love him very much and I am very compatible with him, except one little thing..
Before we had sex for the first time, he opened up to me and told me how his ex gf left him because of his size. So he went through this already and it caused him serious self esteem problems. I can’t do this to him again. at first it wasn’t so bad, since we were both discovering our bodies and he used to stimulate my mind before everything else, which led me to actually enjoy the sex we had. But as it is normal, that excitement won’t last forever and now I am lacking and craving the sex I had with my ex partners. I can’t even get wet anymore, it’s like my vagina doesn’t even know what penetration feels like. The little penetration that I get is dry and hurts, unless we use lube. I am just tired of faking enjoying myself, but can’ do anything about it. I love him too much for this to be a dealbreaker, but I really don’t know what to do. Is this what my future sex life will be from now on?

My boyfriend and I are each others firsts. We've only been dating for a few months but have really clicked. We usually get to see each other once or twice a week. The problem is, sometimes he finishes within about 7 minutes. I have absolutely no problem with this. I actually think it's kind of flattering. He tends to apologize for it, and I hate him feeling insecure over something natural. Especially because he more than "makes up" for it. My question is: is there anything I could say next time it happens to make him feel better?

I am 25F I've been seeing a guy 27M who has been an acquaintance for a few years. We have already had sex, it's really good, I give him oral all the time as I really enjoy doing so but he is desperate to go down on me and I'm embarrassed, I don't want to be super drunk in order for him to do that, I just want to feel comfortable. I am not a prude, I am a sexual person but I worry about; do men think about women looking bad in angles? How we taste? I feel like there will be more pressure for me to orgasm and that I don't have control of situation, which is usually how I enjoy sex.

Im a girl and Im straight. Ever since I was a kid and I'd find my dad's or my friends' dads porn magazines and videos, I just found the naked girls super hot. Since I was so young, I don't think it was a "Whoa I'd like to look like that and have guys attracted to me" thing because I was literally in primary school and thought sex meant people kissing while being naked, but rather a "Damn. Hot body" thing. I just think female bodies are very attractive, however I've never actually been attracted to a girl before. What's going on?

RELATIONSHIP

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost three years, but one issue keeps me wondering if it’s been genuine or not. From day one he has had huge issues with his phone. If I even glanced over he used to flip out. It’s not so bad anymore but I still am unable to check things out when situations warrant it. On the other hand he uses my phone like it’s his own, and since he is much larger than me I am really unable to do anything about it.
Thoughts ??

I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 6 years. It's long distance but we've had ideas about a future together. I never had a big desire to get married but I would do it for her. Having a kid has been a dream of hers since I met her and recently I've been seriously considering my position and I cant think of any reason I would want to have a kid. I told her this last night and we both broke down. She had been under the impression that I was down for everything and was understandably upset when I told her. She told me she still wanted to stay together but if there came a day I was 100% sure I didnt want kids. I left a possibility of changing my mind because ive changed a lot since I met her and was always hoping my position on this would change too. But now I feel like I'm in charge of deciding when this relationship ends. It was always my biggest fear that we would end up in a situation where she leaves me because I didn't want to have kids and now I'm the one who will have to decide whether or not this relationship will continue. Not even sure I'm asking for advice I just wanted other people's takes on how much of a piece of shit I am.

I’m tired of my fiancé making me set alarms for him to wake up in time for work. And every time I set an alarm and go upstairs to wake him up, he gets pissed at me. So then he will make me set another alarm so he can “have ten more minutes”. Mind you, I’m also busy with our three year old and soon to be newborn coming any time now, cooking, and cleaning. It’s extremely stressful for me to have the job of waking him up as well as everything else. But yet he always tells me he hates it when I try to act like his mother? I wish he would get an actual alarm clock. I finally put my foot down today and said it’s not my responsibility and he said “Okay. I guess I’ll just keep being late for work and lose my job then.” Like it would be my fault. No, it would be his right?

Asked him(44m) to marry me(39f) last night. He said absolutely not then proceeded to get upset when I wasn't "in the mood".I was so vulnerable and honest. I wasn't upset when he said absolutely not but a discussion would have been nice. Then when I wasn't being the fun one on a Friday night because I didn't want to do it, doors got slammed, there was yelling etc. I slept alone and feel so hurt. How do we move past this?

PARTENING

I put parental controls on my teens iPhone, blocking certain apps and websites. Problem is: she’s still somehow accessing them! How?! I’m so confused?

as we prepare to bring a child into our family, MIL has said that regardless of what anyone says or wants, she will be coming to live in our home for 2-3 weeks to take care of the child and her daughter, and insists that this is a completely normal thing that every mother does with their daughter. I’ve never heard this, and neither have the women in my life that I’ve asked, and while I voiced that I was thankful for any help being offered with doing the dishes, laundry, etc (things she mentioned), what she was describing didn’t sit right with me. I’ve always looked forward to this time in our lives and being able to cherish the time with my wife and take care of her, and I pointed out that if my mom were to forcibly come live with us regardless of what my wife or I say to come help with things, that wouldn’t fly. Does this sound normal in your experience?

Should I correct my almost 8 year old son who over talks? Last year his teacher would reach out to us every few months to let us know that he would talk too much in class and sometimes disturb others and that she had resulted to ignoring him when he talks. I also heard the same complaint from my father and I’ve been noticing he does it when he’s around other people. Although he has gotten a lot better in the past few months he still over talks and when I try to bring it up he usually closes his ears and tries to run away. Should I let it go or talk to him about it?

I was at the park with my 3 year old and my 2 month old strapped to my chest. He had fallen asleep with his pacifier in his mouth. He spits it out when he’s ready and he might fall asleep with the pacifier maybe once a day. None of that a total stranger would know, but she came up to me anyway to tell me to take the pacifier out of his mouth. After I told her it is fine, she kept bothering me about it. What really irks me is that she ended up leaving her own child in the park to play alone. So what inspired her to be “supermom” and judgy with me?

WORK

I have a large technical presentation that contains many detailed information and many various topics. I don’t think I can do a good job presenting this in person as there is so much context and will take minimum 1.5 hours to 2 hours. Is it rude to let the client know I can’t make the F2F and will need to attend virtually?

I don't know if I made the right choice. I was a 3rd year apprentice millwright at local 2158 and I chose to leave about 3 months ago and now work for the army Corp of engineers. Each job has their pros and cons but on a personal level I feel like I turned my back to the union and started all over. I could still go back if I wanted to and finish out my apprenticeship and become a journeyman but I'll lose my government job if I do with unknown possibility of going back. I'm just torn and I don't know if I've made the right decision or if I'm just jumping to conclusions too soon because I'm not making the same money.

I'm in the middle of a job hunt. I've had interviews with a few different companies. Currently a strong candidate for a less desirable role. If they come to me wanting to offer me a job, but I'm still scouting all possible options, what are some things I could say to let them know I still *might* be interested, but am waiting to hear back from others?

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The Late Night Love family suffered a tragic loss last week, we thank you for your understanding.

This week Jazz and Lubby chat about the why's, why not's and how's of marijuana

BENEFITS

10 Reasons To Keep Smoking Weed (The Experts Weigh In!) (apotforpot.com)
https://apotforpot.com/blogs/learn/reasons-to-smoke-weed/

61 Potential Benefits of Marijuana that Are Backed By Science (herbonaut.com)
https://www.herbonaut.com/benefits-of-marijuana/

HOW

First Time Marijuana Dispensary Visit (cannabistraininguniversity.com)
https://cannabistraininguniversity.com/industry/first-time-marijuana-dispensary-visit

THC VS CBD

CBD vs. THC: A Chart to Help You Understand Cannabis (verywellhealth.com)
https://www.verywellhealth.com/cbd-vs-thc-5272060

SATIVA VS INDICA

Differences Between Indica & Sativa Strains Explained | Amuse
https://amuse.com/blog/difference-between-indica-sativa

Plus Lubby's weekly dive into the land of reddit!

RELATIONSHIPS

We’ve been dating for about a year and a half. I’m a F23 and when we met I was 124 lbs. I now weigh 180 lbs and I’m only 5 ft 3 so I definitely have gained a decent amount. My boyfriend still tells me I look skinny to him and I shouldn’t worry but I’ve never been with a guy who openly appreciates me gaining weight so what do y’all think about it?

Hi, I (m21) the other night while my girlfriend (f21) and I are laying in bed, I go to set the alarms on her phone for her to be able to wake up for work on time as I do every other night, and as I’m doing so I see my ex texts her and me being curious (I’ve never been one to peep through someone’s phone but my ex messaging my gf? I figured I’d check this out) I open the text message. I read her message and see there are quite a few others. And to my surprise I see texts about my chest ( I have gyno and it’s something I’ve always been self-conscious ab) and my hairline, and my sexual kinks, among other things like my family and how they’re a total train wreck. Anyways, back to the point at hand. My current gf doesn’t know I saw the texts, but I don’t know what to do. She always comforts me when I’m insecure but to find this out just hurts. I want to distance myself but I’ve been w her for well over a couple years now, and I still love her. I don’t know if I should confront her or leave it?

girl I've been 'involved' with on and off brings chocolates, calls me sexy and watches smut with me but apparently is in a relationship. is this cheating?

PARENTING

At what age do you safely leave your kids home alone at night?

I’m considering taking my son to our local library (he’s 1 1/2). He’s really interested in books and I’d like to foster that love as early as possible since I loved to read from an early age as well. I’ve looked at our library’s website but I’m just not sure how much there is for kids his age. I’m also looking to get out of the house and do something fun and (preferably) free with AC. What age did you take your children to the library and did they enjoy it?

My daughter is super attached to me and pushes my wife away. When they are alone my daughter snuggles up to her and loves her. When I'm with them my daughter will snuggle up with me and push my wife away. Sometimes she will do this thing when I'm snuggling with daughter if my wife touches her leg or gives her a kiss on the head of whatever, my daughter will rub that spot and go owww as if it hurt her. She will show me the spot to get a kiss on it to make it better. This is a disclaimer I know my wife isn't hurting our daughter behind my back or anything like that. My wife is the sweetest thing and would never hurt a fly.
Curious what is going on with our daughter?

WORK

I just got fired from a corporate job ive only been at for 3 months. The company was terrible and my team was constantly a mess. I tried so hard but unfortunately was never properly trained. During my interview i told them I didn’t have years of experience but they still went on to hire me and then not actually train me. Im feeling so upset and scared that no one will hire me now. Im such a hard worker but have a learning disability so I struggle without guidance. Really need some reassurance right now thanks.

My boss cc’d HR on an email today. In the email he absolutely ripped me a new one, and criticized my ability to be detailed oriented when reviewing his edits. I did prior to this but the document I thought I sent him was not the one I edited (computer issue). I don’t want to argue because it won’t make the situation better, but I think the email was rather out of pocket especially since he tacitly threatened firing me in the email. What’s weird is that he spoke highly of me and my work in a mid-year review and noted how I was “great for the culture” and provide “added value” to our clients. Anyways, I believe our relationship is has reached an untenable point, and I’m thinking of jumping ship before I get a bad mark on my resume. Is that smart? Should I stick it out (only been there a year)?

At the midway point of the fiscal year I unexpectedly received an offer from an outside company. It came with a major increase in salary. I was forthcoming with my boss, said I was contemplating making the move. As a counter they offered a decent lump sum retention bonus so I decided to stay. Fast forward 7 months, it’s end-of-year appraisal time and I get a rating of “meets expectations” and a raise of 4.5%. Wh-whut? Excuse me? MEETS expectations? 4.5% raise?

SEX

I’m a girl who likes girls (lesbian). I’ve never been sexual with anyone, but there are things in certain girls that are an instant attraction to me. I don’t know why, but I only feel attracted to girls who are thick, taller than me, dominant, and stronger than me. I’m a petite girl (5’0 and 97 pounds), so it isn’t hard to find a girl that’s my type. I don’t know why, but something part of my stupid brain goes “holy shit yes” when I’m around girls like that. The thought of her manhandling me and pinning my wrists down, choking me (not to death or passing out), and pulling my hair makes me feel like I’m melting. Should I be worried? Is this weird? Am I weird for this?

Female, mid-20s. Almost getting married with the man of my dreams, totally in love and complete with him. We are so well fine. Here's the catch: I'd had sex only with him. No other, nothing. I realized he'll be my only one after marriage. And lately I've been wondering and fantasizing about how it feels to be with another man. I'm not looking to BE with another man romantically, just to have the sexual experience-- to satisfy my cravings, I suppose. And I have found the boy with whom I want to have sex. I am totally sexually satisfied in my current relationship. The sex is great, and it gets better all the time. Oddly enough, I don't know why I feel this urge to do so. I guess I don't want to feel that way after getting married, I wouldn't like to spend my days thinking about wanting to have sex with another man. I have never cheated on a partner, and I would never cheat on my current lover. I'm already feeling guilty but my crave keeps getting bigger each time. What can I do about this? Should I tell him? What would you do in my position?

Like title says. My girlfriend and I (16) want to have sex with each other but are not sure if it’s too early in our relationship. We’ve been talking for 6 month but dating officially for 2. Will it ruin our relationship if we have sex this early? We are both virgins. We talk about how we want to have sex with each other a lot and both agreed that we want to but just the fact that we think it could ruin our relationship is stopping us.

How to Find a Therapist That's Right for You: 9 Key Tips (healthline.com)
https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-find-a-therapist

How to Interview a Potential Therapist. Twenty Three Questions to Ask (choosehelp.com)
https://www.choosehelp.com/topics/counseling/getting-to-know-a-potential-therapist-helps-you-chose-the-right-one

What to Expect in Your First Therapy Session | Psych Central
Things to Expect (and Not!) in Your First Therapy Session
https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-to-expect-in-your-first-counseling-session

What happens during sex therapy? - ISSM
https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/what-happens-during-sex-therapy/

RELATIONSHIP

My wife (29F) and I (28M) just had our first baby 2 months ago and we made the decision we want our baby to be fluent in 3 languages for the baby’s future. My wife and I are both bilingual and fluent in 2 languages. My wife can speak Korean and English and I can speak Japanese and English. My wife thinks when I talk to the baby I should speak in Japanese and when she talks to the baby she should speak in Korean. She believes that since we live in America, our son will be fluent in English no matter what from school so we should begin speaking the other two languages at home. I said it would confuse the baby so we should use English until he’s about 4 and then start teaching the other two languages. This leads to problems and fighting because of the completely different approaches. who is right?

My husband (21) and I (20) got married about two weeks ago. Today when I came home he said he needed to tell me something. I don’t know what I was expecting. He told me that he might have a child with a girl he used to date. Apparently she doesn’t want him in her or her child’s life. The child is still very young. They haven’t had contact since she sent him ultrasound pictures. He told me he tried to make it work with her but it didn’t. There’s no paternity test and right now she doesn’t want one. But he didn’t just find out about this. He’s known since she got pregnant and he never told me about it. At first I was in shock, but now I am so angry. I am so angry he never told me when he’s had multiple opportunities to do so. The only reason he told me today was because he found out she’s been having dinner with his grandma. Why would she do that if she wants nothing to do with him? what do i do now?

Need someone to dump cold water on me and tell me that I (40/m) should not date this girl (25/f).

Girlfriend tested positive for Chlamydia and is accusing me of cheating but i didn’t. How do I convince her?

WORK

Is there a diplomatic way to indicate on your resume you tolerated an Ahole as part of your job responsibilities?

I took a job 6 months ago and it turned out the place is in complete disarray and total chaos. I worked very hard at the cost of my health and my family. Suddenly ny boss was fired and they brought in a new one. I've been explaining to him that my workload is that of 3 people and asking for help or direction of some kind. He keeps saying things like "if you're not happy you should make a decision to leave". If I quit, my family will suffer financially. It will be devastating. If they fire me at least I'll get unemployment and can look for another job. Have you ever been in this position? Anything I can say to get him to just fire me, without jeopardizing my unemployment insurance?

Hello fresh grad here! So i received a job offer in the field of automation and they are going to train us. In exchange of a 4 year bond or pay half a million(in Philippine peso) ? Thoughts?

PARENTING

I (27M) love my SO (34F) and our 2 month old boy. Today we drove an hour and a half away to a really good pediatric dentist to get a frenectomy done with the assistance of my MIL. MIL sat in the backseat with baby. Procedure went well but on the way back home baby started to cry because local anesthetic began to wear off. That’s when MIL took baby out of carseat to comfort him in her arms. They never liked the carseat because how uncomfortable it makes baby look and frankly I have agreed with them about that but I know it’s the safest spot for a baby to be in just in case of an accident. So I said maybe he can be comforted while in the carseat and they said that he’ll be put back in the carseat when he calms down. He stops crying after about 5 minutes and falls asleep again. We still had about 50 minutes in our drive home so I asked if he can be put back in the carseat and they both refused saying he might wake up and cry again. Am I being overly anxious about him being held in the car rather than being in the carseat?

I (37M) am an introvert. On the exterior nobody would know it, but it drains me when I lead meetings, go to social functions, etc. Enter my sweet, loving daughters (6 & 8). I love them dearly and there's nothing in the world I wouldn't do for them. I feel guilty saying this, but when I spend time with them I get overstimulated by how much they talk, ask questions, sing songs, argue with each other, etc. and it happens very quickly. I feel like I need a break after being around them for an hour. It makes me feel like a bad dad because I don't feel like I have the mental endurance to handle the unending flow of chatter, questions, and noises. I'm divorced so I don't have the option of requesting that their mom take them out of the house. What are some ways I can cultivate a good parenting relationship without feeling so burnt out when I have time with them? I love them and am tired of feeling like a bad dad.

So, caught my kid smoking pot. He is 18 and on his way to college (in town) in 6 weeks where he will be living at the dorms. We had a good discussion, talked about self medicating and how that is not the best way to deal with problems. Made sure he had a therapy appointment on the books. Talked about how it is still illegal in our state and he is not 21 even if it were legal. He is only working 20 hours a week this summer (in spite of DH and I pushing him to take on 40 hours), which means he has been spending his graduation money on this. So in spite of being SO ANGRY and feeling like a complete failure, we had a good discussion. But shouldn't there be some consequences?

I have a teenager (15M) who plays video games as much as he can. As long as he’s meeting his obligations I don’t have a problem with it. During the pandemic it’s how he got to spend time laughing and joking with friends. He also comes to tell me about what he’s playing, what happened, who did what. Which I think is healthy and I try hard to be interested since he is interested. My concern is how hard it is to hear about any video game gun violence with the rash of shootings. I try to remain neutral but I’m sure he can feel how disturbing it is. We have had good talks about violence and radicalization and so on and I feel reassured that he isn’t going toward those things IRL. What do you do when you want to like or at least tolerate something your kid is into that you genuinely find offensive?

SEX

I (24F) genuinely just want to understand because lately my husband (31M) has been into rougher things sexually. I have been trying to be open minded and understanding through all of this but I just really want to know … how is hurting the person you love fun? Calling me names? Telling me he wants to break me? Being happy that I’m all bruised because of him? Laughing at me for crying? Chocking me and leaving visible marks that I have to keep hiding? Refusing to do the things I actually like even just simply hugging and cuddling because that doesn’t turn him on? Refusing to talk to me after I say no or beg him to stop? And the list is long. I’m just sick and tired of feeling like I only deserve to be loved by him when I let him do whatever he wants with me. I’m tired of feeling like sexually we are not equal partners and only his happiness matters. What should i do?

I’m a 28 year old mother of two. Recently, I found out my son is having sex with his girlfriend who is a year older. I won’t get into the details of how I found out since there are creepos here I’m completely at a loss for what to do. I had a conversation with the girl’s mother. She grounded her and banned her from seeing my son. My son is upset and doesn’t understand why he’s in trouble. I could only tell him that he shouldn’t be doing it at his age, and he asked why. I want to tell him about pregnancy because maybe they’ll scare him, but honestly.. I feel so confused and hurt. I’m a single parent. I have no help. What should I do?

I’m (29M) marrying my beautiful fiancé (28F) next month! Her best friend/ maid of honor surprised her with a penis pump as a gag gift. Please help me understand this.